sunday edition

all my girlfriends are pregnant right now or have just had babies. it's nuts. i love it. the other day i was talking with one of them, about the many crazy aspects of pregnancy and she asked me, "when do you feel like a mom?" the truth is - and maybe this was different for you...i didn't feel like a mom while i was pregnant. responsible for a tiny life? yes. but a "mom?" no. i didn't feel like a mom until i laid in the hospital bed, while my husband slept and it was just me and skylar...alone for the first time. when i realized (and quickly) that this person's life was in my hands.

as time goes by, the weight of motherhood has become larger than i ever imagined. especially now that skylar is mimicking mommy and daddy and understanding things we are saying. i find myself paranoid about the way i shape her life, and what the consequences of my actions (however minor they may be) are. but the thing is...its making me re-examine myself and the process is kind of beautiful. because let's face it, i enjoy nothing more that having aha moments. and also, i need to make sure skylar doesn't start swearing at age 2.

so that's it, just some ramblings on motherhood this cold sunday morning. xx.